"Just A Phase"

So has anyone elsed noticed all the television shows about murder? Not the fictional ones, but the ones like "Cold Case Files" and "Real Detectives" where you get to go through the experience of crime and punishment with the aid of a narrator; I'm getting fed up with those. I just don't enjoy them, and it think its probobly not a good thing that we have an industry responsible for bringing murder to each and every home - well, at least the ones with cable.

It seems like glorification of the worst act that a person can commit, and that makes me... uncomfortable I guess. What bothers me more is that this is a recent developement; although I can never recall liking these shows very much, its pretty much all my family watches. The shows like "Law and Order" don't bother me, I like them, they are fictional. It's the shows that have to do with people who actually died, and A&E and CrimeTV are capitalizing on this unexplored market. Its a sick twist on the reality TV fad.

In general, I find myself liking TV less and less as time passes. Its pointless and repetitive, and the only shows I find myself liking anymore are cartoons. I just can't find it amusing.

"Call it women's intuition,
but I think I'm on to something here.
Temporaryism has been the black plague and the Jesus of our age.
I know that I sound opinionated
maybe biased, and quite possible jaded,
but sooner or later they'll be throwing quarters at you on the stage.

Who are you?
When will you be through?

Yeah it's just a phase;
it will be over soon."
-Incubus

Matt

"Will the light still remain in your eyes?"

Okay everyone, fact of life: shit happens. You are going to have bad days, you are going to have worse days, and you are going to have days that make you wish that you could just die. So what? What matters is what you do to make it better. Do you keep trying, struggle to make things right and be happy? Or do you just give up because it's too hard? If you're ready to struggle, the people who love you and the people who care for you are going to be there to struggle with you. If you just don't care, and give up, those people will still be there for you, but you aren't worth it. It doesn't matter how much people love you if you're too scared and weak to love yourself.

"We soldier on
through Hell's high waters;
this war's a losing fight.
The past is gone
the future further
retreating out of sight.

And after the fire has died
will the light still remain in your eyes?

We twist and turn
with pains unmentioned;
to speak is suicide.
The hunger fades with malnutrition
where tears and tongues colide.

And after the fire has died
will the light still remain in your eyes?
And after
the darkness
has swallowed every sign
will you still be there undefined?"
-'Undefined Revision", Mad at Gravity

-Matt

The Warmth.

"I'm an idiot for caring."

That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. And I've been in a Spanish class with Keith Benedict and a Biology class with Andrew Clute. And I have never heard anyone say anything that stupid.

Now if you were to elaborate, it might make more sense. For example "I'm an idiot for caring too much," or "I'm an idiot for caring about people who don't care about anything," then its possible that you may be making an intelligent, reasonable statement. However, to say that to care is to be an idiot, well, that's just wrong.

Why?

Everything that you are, everything that you are ever going to be, is going to happen because somebody cares. It may be that you care, or that someone who loves you cares, or some completley random person with nothing better to do decides to care about you. I can get Religous with this, and talk about how God cares enough and loves us enough to die, but, for some reason I don't think that you are going to be very receptive to that.

Look beyond that all, and listen to what I'm saying to you, as a friend. As someone who cares. The only reason that I care about half of the people in my life is because of your example. You can't expect the world to be perfect, or, hell, you can barely expect the world to stay in one peice from day to day, but that doesn't mean you have to go down with it. There is a time to cut somebody off, this is very true. But there is never a time to stop caring completely. As long as I've known you, you have been a person who cared about others, and in caring for others, you convinced me to do the same. You're right, it's not your responsibility to change the world. But you're doing a damned fine job, and I hate to see you quit because you get frustrated and hurt. If you need help, I'll lend whatever I can, and then some. Just please, for the sake of all that is good, fairly benevolant, or shiny, don't give up on the world.

You're not an idiot for caring. You are one of my personal heroes.

"So don't let the world bring you down.
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold."
-Incubus

-Matt

Pardon Me

This may come as a shock to you all, but you have control over your life. You can take charge anytime you like. You can give your life to God, but in the most basic way you are still in control. It's quite possibly to give yourself to God, and then shoot someone for no good reason.

Here's the part of this that may make you uncomfortable - the control you have does not stop with your actions. It extends to thoughts, and eventually emotions. If you think negatively, you are gonna be depressed. On the other hand, if you think about the things that make you happy, and that you love, you are not going to be. Amazingly enough, this simple trick works. Where most of you, and I myself, fail, is at making the choice to feel good. It's just harder to feel good than it is to feel bad.

Suck it up.

I'm tired of trying to make you feel better, when you would rather feel worse. I can't count on both hands the number of people that daily I want to help. Some people, some of you, you want to be helped, and you want to be happy. So I have no problem with breaking a sweat or a bone to make you smile, laugh, and feel better. Some of you like to feel like dirt. That is officially no longer my problem. I still love you guys, but I can't live for you.

I'm tired of mind games.
I'm tired of feeling bad for you.
I'm tired of you lying to me.

So...

"Pardon me while I burst
into flames.
I've had enough of the world
and its peoples' mindless games.
So pardon me while I burst
and rise above the flame.
Pardon me!
Pardon me!
I'll never be the same."
-Incubus

At a loss...

For words, and pretty much everything else. I feel hollow. I haven't tried smacking myself and seeing if I sound hollow, but, I probobly do.

See you in a month, most likely.

-Matt