Hey everybody.
Matt is feeling oddly optimistic about his life and his loves. I feel this song echo through me every time I hear it, every note, every word... It seems to be what I am right now... And I smile...
incubus
Aqueous Transmission
" I'm floating down a river
oars freed from their holes long ago.
Lying fave up on the floor of my vessel
I marvel at the stars...
and feel my heart overflow.
Two weeks without my lover
I am in this boat all alone.
Floating down a river named Emotion
Will I make it back to shore?
Or drift into the unkown?
I'm building an antenna
Transmissions will be sent when I am through.
Maybe we could meet again further down the river
and share what we both discovered...
then revel in the view."
And now! its time for "MOCK MY POETRY!"
This is old... untitled... found it under my rose...
"I am not exactley happy, not exactely sad.
Overwhelmed by it all.
Not even sane, but still not gone mad.
A shell of who I was;
A shell of who I am;
Looking for she who will have said
This is who you are;
The one who resides in my heart."
Okay, well, I think I am gonna go see Dylan + Callan tomorrow. Maybe even talk to her. Who knows? I am going to go back outside and laydown under the stars. Good night. I love you. I think I do, at least.
Matt.
King Of Meh.
o.ô
Saturday, December 27, 2003
Monday, December 22, 2003
Hey guys.
Today I went to Kat's Christmas party.
It amuses me, a pagan throwing a party celebrating the birth of Christ. But, you know what, Kat is cool like that.
So, at the party there was Callan. Forementioned as the girl I cared for deeply. I am afraid that I still might care deeply for her. Because tonight she did not seem afraid of me. Immediatly after those first few awkward moments when she knew I liked her, she seemed afraid of me. Like I was a creepy stalker. So, I felt bad. Because Callan is a cute, high-strung, free spirited angel. And I had made her 'fraid of me. I felt like someone who had crushed a thing of beauty. Like some evil fuck who deserved to die. Now that she doesn't seem afraid of me anymore, I find that I still really like her. But, when it comes right down to it, snowballs chance. So, I have decided that whether I think I love her or not, I just want to be her friend. Because Callan is really an awesome person, an although I cannot love her, I can be something to her. That's better than nothing, right?
I still am desperate. And what makes me want to kill myself is that I am not sure if I am desperate for her or if I am just desperate for love. I would feel bad either way. I would feel like Chris Fielding (Will Be deceptive Enough For Those Who Know Me) if I was desperate for her. I would feel like I was just using her if I was just desperate for love. So what is it? Eh? EH?! PUNK!?
I kinda want her to read this.
So I can finally find out if I really did creep her out. I like open and honest communication. That's why you can't talk back. Actually, you can't because I believe FGK would mock me.
So I can find out if I spelled her name right.
Well, later guys. And remember.
"We are living in a crazy, fucked up world, just barely floating along, waiting for a guy who walked on water once."
Matt.
King Of Meh.
o.ô
Today I went to Kat's Christmas party.
It amuses me, a pagan throwing a party celebrating the birth of Christ. But, you know what, Kat is cool like that.
So, at the party there was Callan. Forementioned as the girl I cared for deeply. I am afraid that I still might care deeply for her. Because tonight she did not seem afraid of me. Immediatly after those first few awkward moments when she knew I liked her, she seemed afraid of me. Like I was a creepy stalker. So, I felt bad. Because Callan is a cute, high-strung, free spirited angel. And I had made her 'fraid of me. I felt like someone who had crushed a thing of beauty. Like some evil fuck who deserved to die. Now that she doesn't seem afraid of me anymore, I find that I still really like her. But, when it comes right down to it, snowballs chance. So, I have decided that whether I think I love her or not, I just want to be her friend. Because Callan is really an awesome person, an although I cannot love her, I can be something to her. That's better than nothing, right?
I still am desperate. And what makes me want to kill myself is that I am not sure if I am desperate for her or if I am just desperate for love. I would feel bad either way. I would feel like Chris Fielding (Will Be deceptive Enough For Those Who Know Me) if I was desperate for her. I would feel like I was just using her if I was just desperate for love. So what is it? Eh? EH?! PUNK!?
I kinda want her to read this.
So I can finally find out if I really did creep her out. I like open and honest communication. That's why you can't talk back. Actually, you can't because I believe FGK would mock me.
So I can find out if I spelled her name right.
Well, later guys. And remember.
"We are living in a crazy, fucked up world, just barely floating along, waiting for a guy who walked on water once."
Matt.
King Of Meh.
o.ô
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
Wow.
Today I start blogging.
Thank you, Annie, for your suggestion; now I can embarrass myself in front of thousands of people that don't deserve my shit.
Whee.
Okay, so, for all the random creepy people out there. I'm Matt. I am 15, Male, Angry at the world, and lonely as hell. Hell is pretty damn lonely. I really don't want to know you if I can't see you at school. So fuck off.
A synopsis of the last few months of my life is as following. I started doing tech stuff for theatre, got rejected by a girl I cared for, and have been trying oh-so-hard to hate myself ever since. Although, I don't really want to hate myelf. I just do, and I'm pretty good at it too. At the same time, my grades are dropping and my parents are making my life a living hell. It sucks that I can't talk to them without them being offended. They assume my lack of success comes from lack of trying. They don't know what they are talking about. I have a broken finger, a broken spirit, and lost my pocketknife. I have probobly lost my mind too. Anyway, welcome to my blog.
~Bravo~
~King of Meh~
o.ô
Today I start blogging.
Thank you, Annie, for your suggestion; now I can embarrass myself in front of thousands of people that don't deserve my shit.
Whee.
Okay, so, for all the random creepy people out there. I'm Matt. I am 15, Male, Angry at the world, and lonely as hell. Hell is pretty damn lonely. I really don't want to know you if I can't see you at school. So fuck off.
A synopsis of the last few months of my life is as following. I started doing tech stuff for theatre, got rejected by a girl I cared for, and have been trying oh-so-hard to hate myself ever since. Although, I don't really want to hate myelf. I just do, and I'm pretty good at it too. At the same time, my grades are dropping and my parents are making my life a living hell. It sucks that I can't talk to them without them being offended. They assume my lack of success comes from lack of trying. They don't know what they are talking about. I have a broken finger, a broken spirit, and lost my pocketknife. I have probobly lost my mind too. Anyway, welcome to my blog.
~Bravo~
~King of Meh~
o.ô
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