So, it's 4:24 AM and I am at Jordy's house on my overheating bundle of joy. All is right with the world.
If mass hysteria, confusion, and lonliness are right.
The way things work around here, they probobly are. They seem to be almost the natural state of things. Everyone experiences them, everyone at some point devotes their life to them. It is not uncommon for people to come up with little cliches in a vain attempt to make people feel better. I wish to beat these people with a two-by-four while constantly repeating "Hey, it could be worse!"
WHACK
"Hey, it could be worse!"
WHACK
WHACK
WHACK
"Hey, it could be worse!"
And, back on topic.
There is not any real new topic. I am now thinking about a few "important" things. Like why I still haven't gotten FF9. Like why I feel that I will always be lonely, even if I do find someone. Like why dogs can't get peanut butter off the roof of thier mouth, even thought they have such long tongues.
When I turned 16, ,y Aunt called and asked, "So, have you been kissed?" I replied with something akin to "What the hell are you talking about?"
I feel as if I have missed all of the subtleties in life, the things that everyone is supposed to know. The things that you take for granted, that you allude to daily. The things that make you feel cool and warm and fuzzy. I feel so distant, so insignificant, because I missed out, I have no culture. I have no money. I have no skills. I am... one-eighth Mexican! Alliaghaalala!"
Oonsta! Oonsta! Oonsta!
I have a hacked copy of XP. Ain't life wonderful?
I am tired, don't know how I feel, what I want, and why I have a painful sore on my hand. All I know is it is 4:34.
G'night!
Matt
Friday, March 12, 2004
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
o.ô
Wow, I cannot wait for spring break. It will be blissful. Blissful I say. So, how is everyone else doing? Dying in expectation of the sweet ecstasy that is well on its way? Or so tired that you have trouble standing up and stringing together coherent thoughts, much less stringing together coherent chemical equations.
I want to buy a computer off of Tony Hughes. It is a nice machine, for only five hundred dollars! I would already have bought it, except for two minor things. (A) I do not have five hundred dollars, and (B) I don't know if my parents will let me. I don't want to have them get all up and angry because I am wasting all of my time and money going out and gaming, something which will never improve me in any way. It might just piss off my mom on principal alone.
So, does anyone know of a good job I can get? I need to get one hundred dollars. Fast. If you are thinking along the lines that I know you are, no. No prostitution. I am almost tempted to ask my dad for a loan. I know he will NOT be happy. So I see myself as having three options.
(Option One): I convince Tony to allow me to make a down payment and pay him the rest over time. This is not going to work because Tony wants the money all at once so he can buy and build another machine. I am still going to press the issue.
(Option Two): I manage to scrape up a hundred dollars over spring break. It can't be that hard, but there is the whole issue of sloth. I want to be lazy over the break, and working my ass off at Chick-Fil-A doesn't fit with my image of laziness.
(Option Three): I ask the dreaded question: "Dad, can I take out a small loan from the bank of Steve?" The reply will most likely be "What for?", or, "Hell No!". Either way my chances are not very good. I really don't want to get the parental units pissed off right now. It would not make life pleasant.
I do intend to talk to my parents about this tonight. I figure, "Ah, what the hell. If I don't ask them for money, it should be okay."
On a completely different note, I added a chatterbox! OMG! Have fun lassies/lads.
I will be staying after school tomorrow at practice for Much Ado. I think if I am going to be doing a bunch of tech stuff for it, I might as well see how they intend to block it and such.
I should pick up some candy on the way to school... Hmm...
-Bravo
Wow, I cannot wait for spring break. It will be blissful. Blissful I say. So, how is everyone else doing? Dying in expectation of the sweet ecstasy that is well on its way? Or so tired that you have trouble standing up and stringing together coherent thoughts, much less stringing together coherent chemical equations.
I want to buy a computer off of Tony Hughes. It is a nice machine, for only five hundred dollars! I would already have bought it, except for two minor things. (A) I do not have five hundred dollars, and (B) I don't know if my parents will let me. I don't want to have them get all up and angry because I am wasting all of my time and money going out and gaming, something which will never improve me in any way. It might just piss off my mom on principal alone.
So, does anyone know of a good job I can get? I need to get one hundred dollars. Fast. If you are thinking along the lines that I know you are, no. No prostitution. I am almost tempted to ask my dad for a loan. I know he will NOT be happy. So I see myself as having three options.
(Option One): I convince Tony to allow me to make a down payment and pay him the rest over time. This is not going to work because Tony wants the money all at once so he can buy and build another machine. I am still going to press the issue.
(Option Two): I manage to scrape up a hundred dollars over spring break. It can't be that hard, but there is the whole issue of sloth. I want to be lazy over the break, and working my ass off at Chick-Fil-A doesn't fit with my image of laziness.
(Option Three): I ask the dreaded question: "Dad, can I take out a small loan from the bank of Steve?" The reply will most likely be "What for?", or, "Hell No!". Either way my chances are not very good. I really don't want to get the parental units pissed off right now. It would not make life pleasant.
I do intend to talk to my parents about this tonight. I figure, "Ah, what the hell. If I don't ask them for money, it should be okay."
On a completely different note, I added a chatterbox! OMG! Have fun lassies/lads.
I will be staying after school tomorrow at practice for Much Ado. I think if I am going to be doing a bunch of tech stuff for it, I might as well see how they intend to block it and such.
I should pick up some candy on the way to school... Hmm...
-Bravo
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Bravo is Back! w00t!
Well, after a long lull in posting, I have decided I need to start again. Blogging seems to help me clear my mind. I enjoy this clear mind, and want to keep it. I have trouble thinking, therefore, I blog.
Resolution
I have resolved my situation with Callan. I feel foolish, because the solution is what I was fighting all along. I want to be Callan's friend, not anything more. I just felt this desire for friendship, and then I thought about it way too much. When I think about things, my mind tends to lie to itself. So, the entire time I was beating myself up about Callan, I just wanted to be her friend. Is that not foolish?
On Saturday, she and I were talking about things. Lots of things. Lots of fairly random things. I came around to telling her that the shirt I was wearing was Brian Gore's. That he and I were close friends like that. She said that she had no close friends like that. Then WAM the solution that had been with me all along unveiled itself to my mind! I wanted to be that close friend. Not necessarily share her clothes, but, whatever works... I wanted to be there for her, and try to understand her. Nothing more. I guess that I let the other loneliness cloud my mind. Never again.
I feel stupid for what I did. All of what I did. But now things are going to better. I am sure. Well, I must flee.
Farewell Friends!
-Bravo
Well, after a long lull in posting, I have decided I need to start again. Blogging seems to help me clear my mind. I enjoy this clear mind, and want to keep it. I have trouble thinking, therefore, I blog.
Resolution
I have resolved my situation with Callan. I feel foolish, because the solution is what I was fighting all along. I want to be Callan's friend, not anything more. I just felt this desire for friendship, and then I thought about it way too much. When I think about things, my mind tends to lie to itself. So, the entire time I was beating myself up about Callan, I just wanted to be her friend. Is that not foolish?
On Saturday, she and I were talking about things. Lots of things. Lots of fairly random things. I came around to telling her that the shirt I was wearing was Brian Gore's. That he and I were close friends like that. She said that she had no close friends like that. Then WAM the solution that had been with me all along unveiled itself to my mind! I wanted to be that close friend. Not necessarily share her clothes, but, whatever works... I wanted to be there for her, and try to understand her. Nothing more. I guess that I let the other loneliness cloud my mind. Never again.
I feel stupid for what I did. All of what I did. But now things are going to better. I am sure. Well, I must flee.
Farewell Friends!
-Bravo
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