Another Post? Already? It's not been 5 years yet!
Isa-Lay
So, I talked to Tony yesterday. I informed him of his deadline. He was confused. When I clarified that he had X amount of time to ask Lisa out, he remarked that "Well, tell whoever that they can cut in line." It's not that he has given up on Lisa, but that he can't believe she is interested. So I am left in a most interesting situation. Although Tony doesn't mind if I ask out Lisa, Lisa may still have a thing for Tony. If so, I might be putting myself in a place I shouldn't be by...
Oh, yes you need that don't you if you are to understand this? Well, unless you're as daft as a doorknob, you have probobly noticed me raving about Lisa. I find that I like her and would like to go out with her sometime. However, I would request most kindly of you that you do not inform her of this, I would like to do so in my own time and way, if I indeed decide that I truly need to inform her. If she has strong feelings for Tony, I don't want to get into an odd relationship with her. So, anyway.
...asking Lisa out when she still feels things for Tony. Jenny has pointed out that she believes Lisa only likes Tony because Tony likes her, and Tony is cute. And by the way, Tony asked out Angela Saunders. That should be interesting. I kinda hope Jenny is right. Because although I am not that cute, I do like Lisa. I think I touched on most of the things down in my last post. Wow, that was only yesterday. What a long day.
I want to teach Lisa and Jenny about electricity and lighting. They are two things that help alot with being a techie. And i like to teach people things that might help them out later on.
Also, about techie things and Lisa, I want to have her help me up in the booth during Macbeth. I don't think I have enough hands for the fog and the lights and the sound. And I would like the company.
I feel almost as if I am way outta my league. Lisa is... just one of those people who for some reason seems intimidating. I dunno. Maybe I'm jsut messed up. We'll see soon. Hopefully by Friday.
I intend to ask Lisa if she would like to do something after Madrigal Friday or before Madrigal Saturday. With me.
So, there is one entire post about Lisa. I'm pathetic. And nervous. But, hell, I'm smiling.
-Matt
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Monday, November 29, 2004
Back to the post...
I need to post, so I will. I guess I should probobly start with a few updates. Sarah and I have broken up. She had a good reason, certainly one you can't argue with, and that is the end of that. She is a friend. All is well. Half-Life two is out, I played it, beat it, liked it. I am waiting for 3.
So, what now?
I felt kinda wierd after I brok up with Sarah. I didn't quite know what to do with myself. I want to keep dating. I think that I am ready. I was only hurt at the very beginning, and that was more confusion and fear than actual pain.
I felt kinda lost, honestly. I like having a girlfriend. Someone you can talk to, hang out with, and trust. I think I enjoy the trust most of all. Knowing that you are trusted by someone else and that they can trust you freakin' rocks. Sometimes people abuse that trust. It's true. I don't think I could ever see myself doing that. Protecting the trust someone has placed in me makes me feel far too good to risk losing it.
Convention helped alot for a few reasons. I got to talk to Jenny alot. That helped. She wasn't quite sure what to do about anything else either. I also talked to Lisa, and spent a lot of time with her, and that was a really big help.
Lisa is a great person to talk things out with. She is friendly, doesn't take cheap shots when you expose how vulnerable you are. She is sweet about things. A good freind to talk to. We were talking about Sarah a bunch, and that was interesting. Then we just started talking about how we relate to friends in general, and she said something that really struck home with me. She spoke of how she was proud of the fact that she was really really protective of her friends. I like doing that too. I wish I could be more protective of more of my freinds. I don't want ot be too obvious about how protective I am of some of them, because that could easily be very creepy. But I am really protective of alot of you guys. Somebody messes with you, I want to know exactely who the hell they think they are messing with one of you. I want to just rain down on them with all I have when they say something to make you cry.
A really good example is the Gracie chick from Jenny's blog. Shows up out of no-where and is supportive of Jenny on the eleventh, and is saying incredibly hurtful things by the twentieth. First off, I don't know who the hell she is. Neither does Jenny. She says she knewJenny in the eigth grade. She says things about watching Owen and Jenny together. Thats creepy. Then she says things that are entirely inappropriate to Jenny. I won't mention them, but they were more than enough to set me off. I spent saturday with Jenny, making sure she was all right. I felt good becuase I thought I was there for her. But at the same time, I want to have a serious talk with this Gracie chick. She's on the outside looking in at Jenny's life; she does not have the authority to think about calling the shots. She isn't Jenny's "personal moral director" (phillip said that) and has no right to say a damned thing to Jenny, especially something gear at being hurtful.
Lisa
Jenny
Manuel
Brittany
Bellami
Phillip
Zack
These are all people (but not all the people) that I would raise hell over if someone was hurting them malicously. I admit, when I get protective of somebody, I stay that way.
When Lisa said that, a few things clicked into thier respective places in my head. How I felt about some things and about some people just finally found confirmation in me. It helped alot.
When Lisa started crying after the Manuel incident, I wished so bad I could make whatever it is stop hurting. Phillip has an idea of what it may be, but that's the kind of thing I don't want to make assumptions about. Seeing pain like that from Lisa is something I did NOT expect. I was taken aback a bit. I just wish I could make her not hurt, or at least to be there for her when she does.
I'm tired, but I'm alright.
Just gotta keep going.
-Matt
I need to post, so I will. I guess I should probobly start with a few updates. Sarah and I have broken up. She had a good reason, certainly one you can't argue with, and that is the end of that. She is a friend. All is well. Half-Life two is out, I played it, beat it, liked it. I am waiting for 3.
So, what now?
I felt kinda wierd after I brok up with Sarah. I didn't quite know what to do with myself. I want to keep dating. I think that I am ready. I was only hurt at the very beginning, and that was more confusion and fear than actual pain.
I felt kinda lost, honestly. I like having a girlfriend. Someone you can talk to, hang out with, and trust. I think I enjoy the trust most of all. Knowing that you are trusted by someone else and that they can trust you freakin' rocks. Sometimes people abuse that trust. It's true. I don't think I could ever see myself doing that. Protecting the trust someone has placed in me makes me feel far too good to risk losing it.
Convention helped alot for a few reasons. I got to talk to Jenny alot. That helped. She wasn't quite sure what to do about anything else either. I also talked to Lisa, and spent a lot of time with her, and that was a really big help.
Lisa is a great person to talk things out with. She is friendly, doesn't take cheap shots when you expose how vulnerable you are. She is sweet about things. A good freind to talk to. We were talking about Sarah a bunch, and that was interesting. Then we just started talking about how we relate to friends in general, and she said something that really struck home with me. She spoke of how she was proud of the fact that she was really really protective of her friends. I like doing that too. I wish I could be more protective of more of my freinds. I don't want ot be too obvious about how protective I am of some of them, because that could easily be very creepy. But I am really protective of alot of you guys. Somebody messes with you, I want to know exactely who the hell they think they are messing with one of you. I want to just rain down on them with all I have when they say something to make you cry.
A really good example is the Gracie chick from Jenny's blog. Shows up out of no-where and is supportive of Jenny on the eleventh, and is saying incredibly hurtful things by the twentieth. First off, I don't know who the hell she is. Neither does Jenny. She says she knewJenny in the eigth grade. She says things about watching Owen and Jenny together. Thats creepy. Then she says things that are entirely inappropriate to Jenny. I won't mention them, but they were more than enough to set me off. I spent saturday with Jenny, making sure she was all right. I felt good becuase I thought I was there for her. But at the same time, I want to have a serious talk with this Gracie chick. She's on the outside looking in at Jenny's life; she does not have the authority to think about calling the shots. She isn't Jenny's "personal moral director" (phillip said that) and has no right to say a damned thing to Jenny, especially something gear at being hurtful.
Lisa
Jenny
Manuel
Brittany
Bellami
Phillip
Zack
These are all people (but not all the people) that I would raise hell over if someone was hurting them malicously. I admit, when I get protective of somebody, I stay that way.
When Lisa said that, a few things clicked into thier respective places in my head. How I felt about some things and about some people just finally found confirmation in me. It helped alot.
When Lisa started crying after the Manuel incident, I wished so bad I could make whatever it is stop hurting. Phillip has an idea of what it may be, but that's the kind of thing I don't want to make assumptions about. Seeing pain like that from Lisa is something I did NOT expect. I was taken aback a bit. I just wish I could make her not hurt, or at least to be there for her when she does.
I'm tired, but I'm alright.
Just gotta keep going.
-Matt
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