Epiphany

You know how I spent so much time trying to save everyone this year? I figured out why. I realized last night, amidst a totally unrelated situation, why I was trying so hard to help everyone around me, and why I still try to.

I want to fix everyone else, because I'm broken.

I feel that everything that once was is slipping away from me. I see it happening to other people, and I want to help them, because maybe if I can save them, someone can save me. The obvious question is 'Why don't you just try to save yourself?' and as much as I try, I can't come up with a decent answer.

I think that is another problem.

I also realized, in a situation spawned entirely by the suspect flaw, that I have no ability whatsoever to think things through. That's not just bad, its dangerous.

I understand that most of these are half-formed thoughts, but I really can't do any better. I have been sitting here trying for a quarter of an hour, and I got nothing.

"Well I'm waiting for my wake-up call, and everythings my fault."
-Matt